If I could think of one word for me, for these past six months or so, I would pick heavy. Not the word I’d like, but the definite word for right now. I feel the weight of loss around me in my personal life, the weight of what’s going on around the world, in the lives of those I love, and I wanna feel light again.
So many beloved family members have passed, in such a short amount of time. I walked alongside my dear friends as many brought new life into this world, while at the same time, so many lost these precious babies,who they’ll never get to know here on this earth. Regrets swarm around you, as you think of what more you could have done, what more you could have said, and you’re floundering for time lost. You want to dig your heels as deep into the dirt as you can, and stay there. How can you move forward? How can life go on? Somehow, it does. It needs to.
If I needed a reality check (I did need one) that I really need God, I had it. I have it. Days can pass and the highs can be so high, we love God, He’s there, but are we needing Him? Life moves quickly, and then slowly, these times of complete bittersweet. I needed to be knocked back down, catching my breath, and land on my knees before Him. I needed to cry out why, and how, and beg Him to do work in others’ hearts, to do work in my own heart.
And the great mystery of why things happen the way they do still remains. We don’t always get the answers we want but we always have a great God who doesn’t make mistakes. Even when this doesn’t make sense, it does. I don’t know how else to explain it. Brene Brown says it best, and I have to listen to this so many times to remind myself, ‘I thought faith would say, I’ll take away the pain and the discomfort, but what it ended up saying was, I’ll sit with you in it.
Somehow, amongst the heavy, the hurt and the loss, I have learned, over and over again, that Jesus really is all that He says He is. He’s not leaving us, He’s weeping alongside us. He’s not taking my pain away but He’s with me in it. And somehow, someway, it’s enough. He is more than enough.
Jesus wept. John 11:35
In loving memory of these precious lives: J.A. , J.H. , C.A. , T.S. , T.K. Our world was a better place because of you. You are loved and remembered every single day.
