i’ve decided the create a new parenting style for myself. and it’s called the fake it to make it.
it’s working well for me so far, and even though the roots of it are me nestled on the couch with the words “lazy/tired mom” written across my forehead, i’m making progress and isn’t that what this job is all about?
in essence it’s this:
there are a lot of things i’m working towards. i want to respond with more love to my kids. i don’t want to have to spend two hours cleaning every morning when i’d rather be engaged with them. i want to take baby steps to work on all these things without over thinking it too much. so i’m gonna bite my tongue before i snap back and spread a big ol’ fake smile across my face and give an answer that i perhaps don’t feel like saying 100% but know deep down that i should. and if all goes as planned, those fakies will become easier to live out. and change my heart, too.
it’s also this for me:
the holy and sacred time in our house is when all the kids sleeping from 7:30 til i hit sheets around 10:30. why is it holy and sacred you ask? cause all the kids are sleeping. duh. is my only time without all of them awake so i have got to prioritize. i’ve got to devote that forty five minutes after they go to bed to cleaning up from dinner and throwing in the load of laundry. all i really wanna do is lay on the couch, watch the next food network star, and eat ben and jerry’s ice cream. but if i do that… it looks like this the next morning:
and takes away from this:
this:
and this:
and essentially, i mean, if i can break down even more… it’s just this:
and fill in sad with whatever self pity emotion i am feeling. (almost always tired)
some examples for you of the little things i have been changing:
1) we’re in the front yard, having a little snack picnic style. our neighbors, who are always, always outside starring at us are doing their regular stare down, and another house across the street that is for sale is being shown by a real estate agent to potential buyers. a certain four year old proclaims AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS. mom! i don’t have any underwear on! my pen*s!!!
my normal response: AHHHHH!! run over to him and attempt to tackle him to the ground while covering his mouth and play it off like it’s a game.
fake it to make it: bite my tounge. chant fake it to make it to myself, throw up a fist pump, and say “well, well, well. you forgot to put your underwear on today didn’t you? you can go ahead inside and grab a pair out of your dresser and put them on. under your shorts, ok? and don’t you go taking off those shorts til you are in your room, ya hear? and oh yeah, thank you for using the proper name for your private parts. you make me so proud”
2) story goes to bed at 7:30 and wakes up at 1 AND 4 am to nurse before getting up for the day at 7:00. rude.
my normal response: what in the world?! the boys were done getting up in the night at two months old. what am i doing wrong?! i don’t want to admit to other people that my baby isn’t sleeping perfectly (heart change. heart change) i could easily become consumed with frantically googling what i am doing wrong here that is causing this “problem.”
fake it to make it: NBD, people! i’ll admit my faults that babywise isn’t working as well as it did for the first two. or maybe, just maybe i haven’t been as structured. that could be it. tired? yes. can’t keep my eyes open? check. gonna enjoy her cute butt instead of whining and complaining about lack of sleep cause times slipping away.
it’s simple, really. but simple is what i need.
i think fake it to make it will benefit you in other areas of your life to. pretend that mile you’re running is really, really fun, and not trechourus. run it with a smile on your face and it might be a whole lot better, no? it’s really just practice that makes almost and far from perfect but trying our hardest is always best. does that make sense? mkay.
areas of your life the fake it to make it will probably not help:
having sex with your husband.
…and that’s all i can come up with right now.
go be awesome today.
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couldn't agree with you more! we just got a puppy and I am having to fake it to make it a lot more these days 🙂 It really does help!
i saw the pictures of your dog!!! i need to see that sweet thing! miss you friend!
Amen to that! That has seriously become my life motto at this point. My two little ones (3 &1) tend to be "difficult" at the same times, and I don't often have the best attitude for them. So, in those moments Im trying to pretend that I was blessed with patience and gentleness and summon my inner michelle duggar so that I can speak to them the way I should. So what if I'm raging on the inside. They don't know the difference. Right? yeah.
Good luck to you my friend. And thank you for admitting that story's not sleeping perfectly (although those hours seem dreamy compared to what my kids did). I'm 3 1/2 months pregnant with baby number 3 and i was already starting to psych myself out about how all OTHER moms get there 2 month olds to sleep, and mine dont start till at least 6 months. =0 I feel better now.
God bless!
oh i hear ya on "difficult". my boys do NOT get along for more than 30 seconds and i wish i was kidding about that time frame. they fight constantly which makes me defeated constantly… which in turn makes me question how i am disciplining them and why it's not working?! it's a vicious cycle i tell ya.
the sleeping! if this were my first child i would be beating my head against the wall. my how things change… 🙂
I'm due in a couple of months with #3. I have a 3 year old and 1 year old now that have me completely overwhelmed and my house a disgusting wreck. I sometimes worry that the level of overwhelming will increase instead of decrease after she arrives.
Looks like that could be confirmed.
Phew!!! This is a hectic season!
all in all the housework can wait, right? but i do have this struggle that "tidy house = tidy mind" i'm working on it 🙂
Okay, but don't ever feel bad about having to do some housework while your kids are awake. Taking care of laundry, dishes, etc. is all part of living life. They need to see that it has to happen and really, it's okay to take a few minutes from playing with/ caring for them to do it. A precious friend of mine sets her timer for 10 minutes in the morning, afternoon, and evening for a 10 minute tidy. Whatever gets done in that time is all that gets done and then she's on to the next thing. She includes her children too so that they see that they are part of keeping the house tidy. I'm not talking Martha Stewart clean and tidy, but good enough. My kids are in school now and are about to be home with me all summer. There will be times that I will ask them to go play for 30 minutes so I can clean the bathrooms, but most of the time during the summer will be spent hanging out with them. For my sanity, I have to clean up as I go or else it would be NASTY (dog, two kids, messy husband!)
ah yes! i totally, totally agree! i am cleaning all.day.long. if i didn't i probably wouldn't be able to see the floor 🙂 but i also have to make use of my ME time better… 🙂
I completely understand only I only have one kiddo so I know it must be hard. There is this ebook called One Bite at a Time – 52 projects for making life simplier, by Tsh Oxenreider. This book completely changed my life and I highly recommend it. It teaches you how to manage your time when you have kids and TONS of other stuff. Best 5 bucks I spent all year!
oooh! thanks for sharing!!
girl. OH I am SO with you. SO there. I posted today about the run of mommyhood I feel like Im in… so this was seriously a good timed reminder that I CAN do this…even if its faking it at times. girl, thanks. love you. we can do this together!!!!
oh girl! i love you and your heart! can't wait to read your post 🙂 oxox
To me, you're not faking it at all. I'm not a mother, but I think everything you just described has got to be REAL MOTHERHOOD! And from what I can tell, you love your babies a whole lot. Isn't that all that matters?
thank you for this 🙂
oh parenthood, it's a constant lesson in selflishness. some days i do the fake it thing and they really are much better todays. i don't really feel like going to play in the playroom as soon as my eyes open in the morning but if i do it, it makes such a difference.
amen and amen.
Story of my life
we're in it togetha, sisterfriend.
i hear ya!! you're not alone, m'lady. you just totally cracked me up and clearly you made a lot of other people feel better too.
i'm here to share some good news: my herd is a tad older and things do change…it gets both easier and harder in different ways, but you are so wise to:
1) acknowledge that this time is precious and fleeting,
2) blog about it so others can benefit from your humor and wisdom,
3) be honest enough to admit that it's not all roses and sunshine, but our attitudes can change our perspective.
LOVE YOU! 🙂
love YOU!
Hahaha! Girl! I so hear you. Sometimes faking it is the only way to make it.
Except with your husband, so true. 🙂
ha! i love you more and more.
word to ya mutha! this is SO true…for ALL of us! and I agree, faking with the husband is no bueno! hugs to you, my friend! xoxo
bahahah i love you friend.
THANK YOU. Seriously, I've tried to make this my mantra, but the last few days I have been a very snappy mama. It's lame. And I kick myself every time I do it… but, then I do it again. I basically relate to you on every level of this post – the precious 3 hours after bed time, not using it wisely, and paying for it later. Anyway, thanks for sharing your heart and being an encouragement to so many!
i love you friend! i have to constantly remind myself of this. especially lately when the boys are SO difficult. sigh we're in it together at least 🙂
Yes!!!!! I literally told myself this the other day lol
I am trying this both personally and professionally 🙂
Awesome post!
thank you!
This is so good & not just for parenting, but totally for every aspect of life. I actually use this when talking to high school girls all the time. I have to remind them to LIVE OUT the truth & the feelings will come after.
so true my friend!! xo
I don't comment often, but I LOVE this post. I so do this some days. I am trying to learn to better pretend that I LOOOVVVVVVVE cars driving all over me while I lay on the floor or that reading the same book for the 20th time is the MOST FUN I've had all week. It really does kind of work, sometimes. 🙂 These years go by so quickly!
i know it!!! thank you for commenting, friend!
I'm with you! with my 3 under 3 … I've been nonstop nursing.. Never sleeping… Praying without ceasing that daddy will be home in time..trying to enjoy all the great and wonderful moments.
amen! hang in there, mama! you are doing a great job 🙂
Bahahahahha sex with your husband faking? Maybe for some people it does?
You are an amazeballs mama so I wouldn't worry. BUT I totally fake it to make it when nannying so I totally get it.
Xo.
love you girl 😉
Kids need a happy, steady Mom and a safe environment. Sometimes that means a clean house, and sometimes it doesn't. Don't worry about it.
On another note I am SOOOOO EXCITED ABOUT YOUR GIVEAWAY ON MEG'S BLOG!! I left a comment and I am hoping that mine magically is picked! What a great giveaway, I love your designs.
thank you!
you are hilarious.
and so timely with this post. i was in therapy today (no shame in admitting i have a therapist) and she said the same thing, in essence.
to fake it even when i don't want to "participate in family things."
healthy fam structure was NOT modeled to me as a youngster so the first inkling is "flight"…i have a long ways to go but i have found that faking actually helps. and it almost always turns into me seeing a blessing or eventually really being into it.
for real.
xoxo
WAIT– our 4 month olds are supposed so sleep through the night? As in, NOT wake up once or twice? What the??? Marlee is lucky I didn't know this sooner…
love that you are so real about what day to day life as a mom is like. i "only" have one kid (a sweet, CRAZY BUSY 2 yr old boy) but some days he kicks my butt too… but after having 2 miscarriages in the last year and seeing my sis lose her beautiful son at 37wks… i'm reminded that even though i'm completely exhausted a lot of the time, at least i have the opportunity to be exhausted. 🙂 hope your little girl starts sleeping more at night!
thank YOU, danielle, for making me laugh and making me feel so less alone in my "fake it to make it" moments! LOL!
it is so refreshing to see that even perfectly healthy mothers face these challenges! thank you danielle, for sharing your heart with us in such an open way. it is so brave. <3
it is so refreshing to see that healthy mothers face these battles too. thank you for sharing your heart danielle, in such an open and honest way. it is so brave of you! <3
I kind of love this. Adopting it immediately, as I've noticed a pretty poor attitude popping up lately. A lot of But I'm So Tired and I Don't Want To Cook and YOU Change Her Diaper! Breathe in, breathe out, smile.